If at all possible, you should stop talking before your audience stops listening

All you meeting planners out there, take heed.  My friend, Eva Lang, sent this e-mail to speakers for the upcoming FCGU conference.  Read the "Advice for Speakers" section. I've reprinted the e-mail (with permission) and the boring but needed stuff (the information I first focused on) has been replaced with "yada yada":

Thank you so much for agreeing to speak at the FCG University Program on April 23-24, 2007 in Atlanta.  Below you will find some information about the program and logistics. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Audio/Visual Needs
Yada Yada

Conference Materials
Yada Yada

Schedule
Yada Yada

Location and Lodging
Yada Yada

Conference Fees and Travel
Yada Yada.

Dinner
Yada Yada

Advice for Speakers
Below is some advice that you might find helpful in planning your presentation.

1) Your presentation should bear at least a passing resemblance to the announced topic.

2) If at all possible, you should stop talking before your audience stops listening.

3) If you insist on speaking past your allotted time, you must start giving the next speaker's presentation.

4) All humor must be either “politically correct” or funny. If you manage to achieve both of these goals at the same time, you are eligible for a standing ovation.

5) Keep your ego in check. It was our intent to book the best speaker possible, they weren’t available... We booked you instead.

6) If you walk around the stage or through the audience, it should be for effect and not because you’ve forgotten where you are.

7) The slickness of your presentation should not outweigh its content. (There is content… right?)

8) If you intend to use sophisticated technological equipment you must provide to the meeting planner (in advance) documented DNA evidence proving beyond all reasonable doubt that you are related to Bill Gates.

9) If you are intending to fly into town the morning of the talk, you must first present to the meeting planner, your pilot's license and registration number of your private jet.

10) Unless you are intending to give it away for free, all mention of "product" on stage is expressly forbidden.

11) If you intend to mumble throughout your presentation, written transcripts must be distributed to the audience in advance.

12) If you intend to read your presentation, it is forbidden to hand out transcripts to the audience. Since they can read faster than you can read and talk, we want to keep the ending of your presentation a surprise.

13) If you speak in a monotone, you must inform the meeting planner in advance so that we can provide pillows to the audience.

(From Peter de Jager and the original longer version is on his website at  http://www.technobility.com/docs/article107.htm)

Thanks! Look forward to seeing you in Atlanta.
Eva

Thanks to Peter de Jager for the list and visit his website to read the entire list.  Thanks to Eva for sending this playful "advice" to the conference speakers.

I dare all meeting planners to include this list in their correspondence with speakers.  What a fun and funny way to remind speakers of some very important points.  If you find your speakers without a sense of humor and humility, you might consider not inviting them back.  Hopefully everyone will enjoy the good natured ribbing and take a few truths to heart.

Comments

[bvgirl]

Barb -
I will mention that one speaker did respond to me to ask for an exemption to the "politically correct" rule. I had no negative reactions to the email and think all the speakers took it in the spirit it was intended.